your life with an Ed Hardy experience

The duo are killing the world with their carefree licensing of the brand to just about every fly-by-night 99c store concept, and it has to stop. Audigier is a tireless self-promoter (subtext: he talks about himself to anyone and everyone around him) whose awfully-designed ed hardyproduct websites make me want to commit atrocities upon the weak, elderly and infirm.

Please, Stallone, dust off the fists and pummel this asshole Audigier (at left) to death

There's nothing this tanned asshole won't foist upon the world, and I am sick of it.

Of course, considering the brash, pseudo-edgy nature of the merchandise, every gym-bound jock moron sports at least three ed hardy t-shirts a day, each of them a crime against humanity. It gives me further reason to wish painful, prolonged death upon Jersey Shore-dwelling, knuckle-dragging Gotti types who revel in the Hardy/Audigier universe like it's some badge of honor. It's not. It's a fucking t-shirt with flaming skulls on it. My infant son could do better.

Maybe I'm biased, maybe I'm cranky, maybe I'm misguided and simply off-base with this offensive. I tire greatly when corporate synergy, pointless cross-promotion and branding is shoved down my throat, and lately, the collective gushing of chromosome-deficient halfwits over the Hardy/Audigier brand is the most nauseating of all. It makes me hate tattoos. It makes me hate self-expression. It makes me hate life.

This bronzed bastard must be stopped before he grabs an artist actually worth a fuck and proceeds to dilute and distill his life's work into a series of meaningless, disposable products normally sold out of the back of a van or at some store on a boardwalk somewhere.

My elevation of their sickening "craft" to War Criminal status is borne from all these straggling, incoherent feelings: the commodification of art, the French, rampant consumerism, Jersey guido nightclub types (the Bridge-and-Tunnel crowd), and most of all, cheapness. All of this stuff is so intrinsically cheap, it makes me sick.

So please, Mr. Hardy. Stop letting this garlic-scoffing c*nt from wrecking the world further with Hardy-branded tattoo-ridden products. They fucking suck. You fucking suck.

And Monsieur Audigier? Please take all your money and retire in peace. The world is done with you, though some new strain of ebola or swine flu will be arriving in 5-10 years to rob you of your dignity, your energy, and your life.

In short, just about anything can now be purchased with Ed Hardy flaming bullshit all over it. For every possible facet of your life, there's an Ed Hardy product. You could go from birth to death using solely ed hardy clothing-branded shit, filling every waking moment of your life with an Ed Hardy experience.

(Shit! Even the douche ex-husband/fetal alcohol syndrome candidate from Jon Plus Eight on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, Sundays and Kate Plus Eight on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays Except for Holiday Weekends wears this shit! Maybe there is hope for this to die out after all...)

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